Shining Eyes

I love teaching yoga. I love guiding others to yoga. I love love love the life I have been so blessed to find and continue to create. I love yoga.

Last night I attended a lecture on leadership. We watched a Ted Talk and discussed how the role of a leader is to help discover the possibility in others and to make their eyes shine. You know you're doing it right if their eyes are shining and if they're not you know something needs to change. 

Well, the eyes of my dear friends were shining after I taught this morning. I don't take any credit for that. I just take it to mean that I've led them to the right place. They feel yoga and the Spirit and I can only take credit for following the things I know to lead them there. 

There is incredible joy in seeing others eyes shining. Actually there is little else that brings as much joy as helping to bring the shine to another's eyes. I feel so very blessed to have been brought to a practice that makes people's eyes shine. I see it every time I do yoga with someone. I love it. I see my own eyes shining. What better way to know that you're doing right than to see the shine in their eyes?
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Becoming

I often heard at the gym I worked at that people were amazed at how their bodies were changing. And yes, their bodies were changing. But I've learned something from yoga that is at least true for me and just a little bit deeper than the idea of mere change for me: through yoga, my body is becoming. It is being refined and stripped from its natural man bounds until it is pure and clean and what it was meant to me.

As I progress in my yoga practice it doesn't feel like I'm going from being Emily the normal person to Emily the yogi. It feels more than I've been Emily the yogi all along but am just uncovering that truth. When my body slips seamlessly into a pose and there is no strain and I have the strength and flexibility to get there without injury I realize that that possibility has been with me all along. I just had to breathe into it and find it. 

Yoga is about finding who you really are and have been all along. It's about discovering the divinity within yourself and feeling it in body and soul. 

I salute the divine within you. Namaste.
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To Be Led

Yesterday I had an incredible yoga practice by myself. This morning I went to a yoga class. I've been thinking about the difference in the two practices and what I can learn from each.

My personal practice is beautiful. It fills my soul. Sometimes. Other times it makes me antsy and frustrated about where I am. But it always teaches me something. A downside to it, I suppose, are those times when I am not willing to go where I need to go to learn. When I'm the only one participating in my practice I might just go where's it easy and comfortable. Not all of the time but definitely sometimes. If it's a good, courageous day I go far beyond where I will go with anyone else. But if I'm feeling fearful I stay right in the center of that comfort zone. 

Now to a class. I sometimes have battles with ego in a class. Sometimes not. I often find myself analyzing how I would teach and say something or even how I would adjust another student. On the other hand, I sometimes find that I can go incredibly deep into a practice when I have a guide that I trust completely. I will do whatever they say and let myself be drawn to places I might not be willing to go alone. The practice is different from my personal one and thus teaches me different things. It can be uncomfortable but I go there anyway and find new places in myself to discover. 

So this morning I was led in a yoga class. I went new places and discovered new things. Yesterday I went so deep into my own practice that I can still feel it today. Both are good. Both are needful, in my opinion. I think you just need to let yourself be led by the proper Guide.
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Honest Yoga

I am continually amazed by how much I can tell of my state of mind and heart when I do yoga.

This past little while I have been entertaining a lot of fear in my life. Satan has really been working on making me fearful. And I have felt that in my yoga. I stopped doing my practice because deep inside I didn't feel like I could do hard things. Well, I stopped feeling that way yesterday and today I wanted desperately to do the kind of practice that was hard for me but that would take me deeper and really do something to me. So I went on a hard bike ride and then when I felt like I was ready, I did my practice again and I was able to see how I had changed. 

Yoga is honest. I've said it before and I'll say it again. It's impossible to hide anything in yoga. You have to face it and feel it or not do yoga. It's a hard thing sometimes but a good thing.
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The Things I Know

This morning I am grateful for the things I know. I realize I still have a lifetime, if not at eternity, of things to learn about yoga and the universe but I feel extremely blessed to have been taught when I know now and to have the desire to keep learning.

I love basically any yoga class I can get to. Especially because I can always make it my own. But I especially love what I learn from each class. Sometimes it's a new pose that I really needed and want to use (that happened today) and sometimes it's a great way to explain something or other times it's how not to do something. I like learning all of those things. I never mean them judge mentally because we all come from different places in our journeys. I just try to learn from where I'm at. 

Today I learned a new pose - straight leg forward, other knee bent on the grounds forward fold. Beautiful stretch for the front of my leg. Love it. I also learned some things not to do. Always be careful about which poses you ask people to do when there are so many students that you're hitting each other. Figure out how to teach shoulder stand. Always give easier alternatives as well as harder. Don't point certain people out, even for good things. Let people do their own variations.

I love my teacher from today. She has such a beautiful practice and love for yoga. She brings such light to her classes. I am grateful for what she teaches me. 

I am grateful for Bodhi and Syl and the many different tools that have come into my hands at the perfect moment to teach me. I thank God for the yoga I know and the yoga I want to know more about.
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Inside Battle

Yoga this morning was actually quite the adventure for me. Last night was a super moon and I had evil dreams. It's still taking me time to feel in control of my thoughts and emotions. Thus, yoga started off feeling like a great battle being waged in my mind. But I fought hard and by the second hour I was feeling a little more peace.

Yoga really makes you face those battles though. With all that quiet for thought and even the physical things that draw you into yourself, you have to have the courage to face what's going on inside.
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Oh the joy!

A few days ago I got a massage from an absolutely fantastic massage therapist that I've been to a few times before. She does some energy work as well as massage and I always go away feeling wholly renewed.

It'd been a good six months since I had had a massage and so I was really looking forward to it. It's one of my great pleasures. 

The beautiful massaging of the muscles began and as it did I realized that my growing knowledge of the body and how it works made me think of everything in a different light. I was trying to decipher which muscles she was working on and which would be the best way to stretch them. I was thinking about yoga. And as I did so I found myself experiencing my body in a new way and understanding it in a new way. And what was incredible to me was that I saw such a difference in my body from the last time I had been given a massage. Even my massage therapist said something about it. My muscles were loose and easy to run the length of. I was relaxed and completely at ease with her touching the muscles because I was familiar with each one - I has stretched them in yoga and felt them in myself and grown used to the way they feel. 

It was truly a beautiful experience. Yoga has done some incredible things to my body and I was able to feel the changes. Oh the joy. I love yoga. 

There is still much for me to learn and experience about my body! Haha just wait until I have a baby and have to relearn pretty much everything. But I am so grateful for the relationship I am gaining with this beautiful creation of God. I am continually amazed and awed. God is powerful and good and this body is truly amazing. I can't wait to know it better and learn more through yoga!:)
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Meekness

Flexibility and strength. The two are so rarely in perfect balance and communion. We work for one or the other or we are naturally blessed with one or the other. But we don't often have them harmoniously working together.

Here enters yoga - the practice that strives to bring balance to strength and flexibility. And I'm not just talking physically. All of yoga is devoted to increasing the strength of our character and talents and yet having the flexibility to give our wills to God and trust in His timing and the perfection of the moment. 

Strength gives me the ability to get deeper in my flexibility. It is only as my arms gain strength that I can even hope to accomplish the side arm balance that will allow me to pull my leg further up to the sky with the flexibility I have gained. They work in perfect harmony in yoga. 

Here enters meekness. Meekness, one of the least understood and seemingly paradoxical attributes of our Savior Jesus Christ. I spent my month abroad a couple of years back studying this mysterious word and trying to apply it to my life. I'm still studying it and still having epiphanies. Here's the one I had today: meekness is the perfect balance of flexibility and strength. It is having the strength of body, mind and character to go where The Lord wants you to go while also having the flexibility to grow there and bend to His will. It is not breaking or falling flat on your face in the deepest pose The Lord could put you. It is being able to hold yourself up while giving in to His will. 

Meekness is the greatest strength and the deepest humility/flexibility. Just as the Savior exemplified.
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Yoga Is

Yoga is a drinking in of life. Yoga is gratitude. Yoga is peace. It is a prayer. Yoga is a lifting of ones soul to its creator. Yoga is at at-one-ment with God and oneself. Yoga is faith. It is hope. It is charity. Yoga, to the fullest extent, is a realization of divine potential. It is becoming one with God because one becomes like God.

This morning I took a few minutes before work to step into nature, down by the river and find some peace to fortify me through the day. I found it. I found it in God. Because that is what stepping into nature really is for me - it's a stepping into and up to God. It's taking His hand and feeling His embrace and being reminded of what really matters. It's a prayer. 

And while I prayed this morning I did yoga. Real yoga. I breathed and paused and opened my soul to hear His voice. And then I drank the nature in with a simple movement of the arms above the head and then bringing the energy back into my heart with my hands. So simple. So real. So powerful. 

God is in everything good. God is everything good.
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Continuing

Continuing the line of thought about where I am versus where I was and where the students are: during my practice this morning, as I did the pyramid pose and stretched my palms flat to the floor with ease, I thought of how easily I have forgotten the place I was and how long it has taken me to get where I am now. The joy of the present has swallowed up the hardships and necessary patience of the past. And yet, as I began to judge myself for not being able to remember the pain of a certain stretch or my own inability to balance, I had to stop and remember the mercy of the dilemma I now find myself in.

The forgetting of pain and inadequacy is one of the greatest joys God offers us. We grow and it's hard but when we are past it we look back with joy and urge others on! If I truly remembered every step of the long journey, would I eagerly encourage students to just keep pushing forward so they could find the joy? It seems that this frail human needs the joy of the moment to help others look forward to the joy and also to be willing to take another step and another journey. 

So although I have to constantly remind myself to be patient with my students and compassionate with where they are, I am no longer fighting against my present joy or trying too hard to remember the pain. After all, I still have quite the journey to take and I'm going to need all the present joy I can have to get through it. :)
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The Dilemma

This morning I had cause to consider the things I know about yoga and when it is appropriate to share my knowledge versus when I should be silent and let others take their journey.

I have been so blessed to learn some incredible lessons in yoga even in my short journey thus far. I look back on the steps that brought me to my training at Bodhi Yoga and I realize what a miracle that was. I could have trained anywhere. One simple step was all it would have taken to turn me into a completely different teacher and yogi. But I was led to take the steps I did and I ended up at Bodhi - a place where I have been extremely blessed to learn of the many spectrums of yoga and to learn, in my opinion, the proper and safe way to be a guide to yoga and to teach and learn the foundation of what yoga really is. 

So I have a confession: shoulder stands scare me. Yep. They didn't use to scare me. I can do them. I actually love doing them! I love the completely different perspective it gives me on life. I feel like a new person when I come out of a shoulder stand. That said, I don't know if I will ever teach someone else a shoulder stand. At least not at this point in my life. There are other inversions that can give so many of the same benefits and there is so much potential for harm if you do a shoulder stand wrong that I would just rather stay away from them all together and teach something else. 

This morning in class we were doing a version of the shoulder stand with our feet against the wall and every time she talked about stretching the neck I cringed. I cringed when another student said she was going to go home and do this stretch for her neck a lot. I cringed when the teacher told us to push it farther back on the neck. I wanted to shout for everyone to come out of it and explain right then and then that it want supposed to be a neck stretch but a SHOULDER stand and that someone was going to get very hurt if they didn't learn the exactly proper form in doing it. 

I was scared. I was scared for what might happen because someone innocently did the pose the wrong way and pushed it too far. 

Thus my dilemma. When is it appropriate for me to share the things I know and even to correct another teacher? Is it ever appropriate? Do I just do things the way I know how - the safe way - and let others do a "neck stretch" when I know it could hurt them, or do I step out of my place as a student and advise the teacher that she is teaching the pose wrong?

I stayed silent. I'm questioning that now. Surely I could have found a way to say something, even if it was after the class, alone with the teacher. I didn't this time. What do I do next time something similar happens?
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What Yoga is for someone else

This morning I was teaching a private class and I got to thinking about what yoga means to someone else.

For myself, I've gone through a journey with an ever changing landscape to get where I am now with yoga. What yoga means to me now is very different from what it meant to me six months ago. It's richer and fuller and more than I can even put into words. It feels deeper than just the physical. The only problem with this journey is that I am having a hard time remembering what yoga was six months ago. I don't remember how it felt or what it meant to me. I am completely stuck in the present moment. This being the case, I have a hard time understanding and empathizing with my students as I get deeper into yoga. I want them to feel what I do now and enjoy the richness but I forget that they have to go through the journey too. 

Some people come to my classes just for the savasana. Some come just to talk. And some even come just because their friends are there. But I'm learning that none of these reasons are wrong. Just because someone doesn't understand yoga and how to get the fullness from it doesn't mean that they won't get something good from it. We all have our own journeys and yes, sometimes I get frustrated because someone isn't focusing on the breath and I don't think they're getting the benefit they should but when it comes down to it, they're there and they are trying. That's what matters. Yoga will come. It comes and it's magic and you'll wonder how you're ever lived without it. Until then, yoga is still good even if you just come for the savasana.
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First Epic Fail as a Yoga Instructor

Last night I was faced with a situation that I should have reacted very differently to. I knew what to do. I have been taught how to handle such a situation but I let ego get in her way and I'm afraid I wasn't true to the yoga I know.

The situation was thus: having seen a friend of mine do a very bad wheel pose, I offered to teach him how to do it correctly and give him some adjustments. We went to a grassy spot and tried to do so. 

Many things were wrong with this situation. First, I was teaching yoga as though it is just a bunch of cool tricks that I can teach one at a time. That is not the case. Yoga is a tapestry and each thread is important to the picture. You can't hold one up and admire the color and call it yoga. Second, I had not inquired diligently into the experience of my friend. I knew him to be an athlete and strong enough to do what I thought would be a simple pose for him. I didn't take into account his utter lack of flexibility in his back. Third, I didn't listen to the signs of challenge. He was asking me to teach him not because he wanted to learn yoga or even get the benefits of yoga but because he wanted a challenge and was feeling competitive. I betrayed the yoga I know because I tried to throw it in front of someone I should have known wasn't ready for it. 

I taught him the pose and he said it was painful. And then I tried to adjust him in child's pose and he said even that was painful. This man had obviously not done a lick of yoga and so did not have the foundational breathing or alignment to get anything out of even the simplest pose I could give him. It was like I told him to fry and egg but didn't give him a pan or heat or butter to do so. I just cracked the egg in his hand and, not surprisingly, he tossed it away. 

This was a hard experience for me. I tried to defend yoga and was easily hit down. Not because yoga is wrong or even wrong for him, but because I took it to a place it shouldn't have been and I misrepresented it. I have learned that I must have the patience and fortitude to let people know that I will teach a class in the proper setting and time and if they won't take that, I need to let it go and let them come to yoga on their own time. I can't convince everyone that yoga is happiness. Everyone will come to it in their own time. I have also learned/been reminded that I need to give them the essentials to fry an egg before cracking gooey stuff in their hands. 

I hope I will never react to such a situation as I did last night. It left me frustrated and broken. I feel so sad for the impression of yoga I must have left with this man and I eagerly pray for an opportunity to amend my stupidity.
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That Moment

It happened today - I experienced that euphoric moment when a piece of me opened up and slipped into perfect alignment. I've not had that experience before - at least not in the time and way it happened this morning and at a time when I was really listening and paying attention.

I had just come out of Utkatasana and was clasping my hands behind my back to open up my shoulders and then fold forward. As I allowed myself to drop forward it was as though there was a wall, a barrier, that I hadn't realized had existed until it was no longer there in that moment. I was in my fold and my arms were up behind me, right above the shoulder blades. Open. Not tight. Open and easy. 

I've never been able to do that. My chiropractor says I have concaved shoulders. I naturally hunch in towards my heart. But not today. Not in that moment. In that moment my shoulders and heart were open and free and I was changed. 

Yoga changes you. It doesn't always happen that noticeably. Actually, it rarely does. Usually the changes are so subtle that you don't realize what you can do until long after you can do it. But today was a blessing because I saw and felt so clearly the change happening in my body and soul. I felt the click, the breath of open air, the sigh of ah and wonder. 

I've changed.
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Truth

Truth is in alignment. Truth is in the ability to change. Truth is in progress. Truth is in overcoming. Truth is in breath. Truth is in God.

This morning my practice was centered on truth. Truth is knowledge of things as they are, as they were and as they are to come. Truth is eternal. It doesn't change. So what doesn't change in my life? That is the question I faced this morning and tried to listen for the answer to as I allowed my body and mind to open to the Spirit. I'm certain I will be searching for the answer for a good while yet. But in the meantime....

Truth is my identity as a child of God. It's not the way I feel today or the reality of my person at this moment. It is the part of me that never changes, that remains firm and constant, despite outward or even inward but only temporary changes. 

Truth is the thing I can rely upon. God is truth. All truth leads me to God. 

Yoga is meditation. It is pondering. But it's more than that. It's action. It's doing something about the pondering and meditation. It's opening up the body and mind to ingest and digest the truth you are finding. It's becoming one with the truth you are receiving. 

Yoga helps me to receive revelation. It is part of my daily seeking of knowledge. It is a deepening of my daily prayer and study. It is communion with God. 

Yoga is a prayer.
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Stronger

Yoga is making me stronger. My endurance has skyrocketed and I feel like my insides are turning to rock, in the best sense. But it's not just my body. It's my mind and my will and my heart. I feel like I'm turning into a superhero. :)

The question now is just what do I do with it? What do I do with these newfound powers, this incredible energy inside of me?? What does God want me to do with all of this strength He is allowing me to acquire through the practice of yoga? 

Yoga gives me strength greater than my own, which then allows me to serve God and my fellow men with power beyond my own. I am incredibly blessed to have found the magic of yoga. I believe it is the key to having the strength and energy to fulfill my destiny here on this earth. Wow.
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Be Still

I just finished a yoga class at Bodhi. My intention today was to listen and be still. To listen and find where I'm at and what I feel and then to be still and accept that.

I learned that as long as I'm doing something hard I focus. As long as I feel like it's making me stronger I am completely with it. When I do things that don't seem to be very hard for me though, I get distracted and my mind wanders and consequently I don't feel fulfilled. I get antsy and want to do more. But as I finished up my practice I realized that those easy things were the things my  body really needed today and I just didn't let myself go there. It didn't seem worth it to me. 

So how do I change that? How do I find meaning in the simple, seemingly easy things?
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Sickness

I've been sick. Reallly, nastily sick. And the worst of it is that my throat hurts even worse when I breathe deeply and so I've found it impossible to do yoga. :( and it feels like my soul has been fasting. I am so hungry for air and for yoga.

My best yoga happens when I am balanced. And when I'm not balanced I feel that most keenly when I do yoga. I can feel it. I can sense it in the discomfort of my movements and the wobbling of my foundations. 

It's an unsettling feeling to know that when I do yoga I will be able to tell where I stand emotionally and spiritually and physically. It's scary to want to do that. It's easier to just shut your ears to the truth sometimes and pretend everything is okay. But yoga won't let you do that. You have to face things exactly as they are and work through them. It's hard work. Yoga isn't easy. Sometimes it's not even fun. But I'm always grateful when I've done it and I feel stronger and more full. It's like reading your scriptures or saying your prayers. Hard work. Sometimes a little uncomfortable to see where you're standing. But always worth it and you always feel better afterwards. :)
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Ayurveda

The science of life. Interesting. That's what I'll be learning about this weekend in training.

As I've been studying the manual, I've been intrigued by the Doshas and the need for balance among them. It's also helped me to think about myself and my strengths and weaknesses. I want to be perfectly balanced but I see the strong parts of me really standing out and the others getting crushed. I think that's why a balanced yoga practice is so important. I find myself just wanting to do the yoga that I'm especially good at. But that's not yoga. Yoga is about finding strengths ANd weaknesses and working to strengthen and accept all of you. And so I continue to do the things that I'm not particularly good at and try to get better at them. Slowly. But surely.
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Training Weekend #2

It's been a full day since I returned from our second weekend of teacher training and I still feel like I'm walking on the clouds.

It was incredible. My mind and heart are full of yoga and it's connections to the gospel and my body is wonderfully tired from doing so much yoga. I couldn't imagine a better weekend. 

Why do we have such a hard time doing the things that make us happy? Whenever I do yoga I am reminded of how simple it is to find joy in an ordinary day or to give myself a little boost on a hard day. I just need to remember that and take time to do. Because yoga matters a lot to me. It is growing more dear to my heart. 

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Nature

The winter is hard for me. I struggle to find myself and to find God when the sky is always grey and it's too cold to be outside. I need the sounds and smells and sights of nature. I struggle every moment I have to be indoors.

Today was my breath of fresh air. And it's not because it got up to 40 degrees. Woopdeedoo. That was only a small part of it. The real reason I felt I was able to breath was because I went outside and did yoga. And I have to admit, it was my first time doing yoga outside. It was magical. It was beyond description. 

Have you ever felt that something is so beautiful that you just want to find someone to put it inside of you? To eat it or something? I feel that way with nature. I just want to press it into my skin and drown in it. Well today I found a way to do that. A not quite so fatal way. I did yoga. And my practice was suddenly something so much more than just little me. It suddenly encompassed the entire expanse of the universe around me and I felt like I was doing the dance of nature. Like I was moving with the wind and singing with the rocks. Like I was becoming part of nature and it was becoming part of me. 

Today I did yoga on a rock in the middle of a river. And I will never be the same again.    

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Breath

"The breath moves the body, the body doesn't move the breath" Syl Carson says. Yoga began as a practice intentioned wholly for the control of breath. Yoga is all about the breathing. That's hard.

We breath all of the time. So it should be something we're all pretty good at, right? Wrong. Breath work is hard work and something that takes a long time to get a grasp of. Lots of practice. 

In my recent practice, I've found my body taking over the movements and doing them out of habit. As a result, I often lose control of my breath and go back to the shallow inhalations I live with during the day. This basically ruins my practice. But with the slightest adjustment, just a refocusing really, it's like I go from black and white to full spectrum color. 

There is something to be said about breathing life into your practice. It's not easy. But it's worth. 

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Chanting

I've always loved singing. I love the expression of music and the vibrations of my soul. But I've only recently discovered a passionate love for chanting.

Chanting is more than just singing. It has meaning and energy to it and, most poignant to me, it is a prayer to Almighty God. When I chant, I am pleading for the influence of God in my life. And I feel my soul resonating with the truth of His existence. 

Chanting is done most often in the Sanskrit language - a language meant to be pure, consecrating and sanctifying. It is sacred and laced with symbolism. 

I chant before my yoga practice begins, to open my mind, heart and body. As I feel the taste of the words on my tongue and throughout my body I am reminded of the eternal nature of all matter and energy. We are surrounded by things we cannot see but if we just pause and start listening, we can feel them. 

I chant as I finish my practice and I use it as a time to lay my heart before my Creator and to reconnect with who I am. 

I feel the Spirit of God when I chant. It calms me. It awakens my spirit. And it allows my heart to sing.   

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The Start

I am a yogi. A yogi who lives and breathes sunshine, warmth and all things of the earth. And this is the continuing story of my journey.
Once upon a time, I lost all sight of who I was and the wonderful gifts that God had placed around me. Through many miracles and the gifts of a loving Heavenly Father, I slowly began to step away from the darkness and into the light and joy. As part of that process, I found yoga. Years later, I've decided to become a full-fledged yogi, to expand in my knowledge of light and truth and also to gain the wisdom needed to lead others on their own journey.
I was mercifully led to Syl Carson, the owner and renowned yogi of Bodhi Yoga in Provo, Utah. I knew I had found what I was searching for and I jumped in with all four limbs to the Yoga Teacher Training running from January to May of 2014.
After a great deal of anticipation stress and excited anxiety, the day finally came for the first weekend of training. It was incredible. More than I could have hoped for or imagined. I suddenly saw pieces of the puzzle of my life fall into place that I hadn't even known were missing. I knew, more than ever, that this was where I was supposed to be and what I was supposed to be doing.
Two days of training later and I still feel like I'm walking on the clouds. Or flying. Or just sitting in balasana and feeling the energy pulse through my veins.
I am learning things that, when told to me, hit me with the force of a gust of majestic wind. They ring true to both my heart and mind. I get to explore the wonders of the body, through the study of anatomy and energy work. I get to develop my ability to help others realign their bodies and minds to find truth. I get to search deeply into my own heart to find the personal connection to the movements I make, physically and spiritually, and I get to find out who The Sunshine Yogi really is. I am just beginning another stretch of the magnificent journey God has prepared for me. And loving it.

www.gobodhiyoga.com